2004, what a glorious year and a stressful year! We had a new grandson, little Moses. It was the circle of Life and each time I gazed into his eyes I searched for that little drop of "me" that was meshed with his entire being. Amazing that you can sprinkle yourself here and there and and never quite leave this Earth...He was happy and fat..all the requirements for a wee one!
|Me and Max|
|Max and Moses|
|Me, Christina, Fatty, and Dad|
|cemetery in Kraljevo|
We went to the cemetery first, thinking we could find a grave, but the cemetery was so vast and we couldn't read Cyrillic, no luck but fun. We went in the city for a coffee and a woman who walked up to chat actually knew the story and where the General had once lived. It was in a small room above a shop, just like Mom said. This could change Russian history books, which say the General died in Bulgaria. We were all excited, feeling like we had connected the dots.
Back in Belgrade, the Darkness followed us and I was running here and there, stressing and tense. I sent the boys to a game of basketball, but it only made matters worse...If I could just push that shizzle over the cliff? I couldn't think, it was suffocating me, ruining the day and stealing my sleep.
|Fatty and Z playing basketball|
I had a short meeting with the priest who pointed me in the right direction. Giving my soul and my spirit a boost, I regained my strength. I was able to focus and see the horizon. I just had to cross the damn bog, wade through the deepest of muck, raise a sword against the evil troll of addiction. I knew I could do it.
I went to our home, in Belgrade, and whooped up an Easter feast, colored eggs and got the Tribe moving. Max was in a heavy spiral, that would take all my energy to contain, but I knew one day it would stop. Zyon and Fatty gave me a routine, a place to step away from the frontline. Occupying my time, every second of the day, in between constant damage control and multi-tasking would get me through this.
I never had a clue. I couldn't see the future. No hope, no fear began to have meaning to me. I see it all as I look back through the ages of my life...This was the beginning of the DARK AGES...